mood : mixed confusion

dear self,

how are you?
you've been away from me for a while..
you should have not been away..
you should have experience what i experienced the past days..
it was such a "high"..
how am i now you ask?
i dont know..
im full of questions right now..
full of ideal realizations..
in denial..
still feeling that i am in control..
but i am not..
not anymore..
i owe reality so much that its constraining things to me now..
i owe reality so much that it has grown cold and selfish to me now..
and here i am again..
writing..
asking..
wondering..
blank..
feeling lost..
know what i want but not getting a taste of it..
what is the moral of this?
now you tell me..
i just feel like my life is a meaningless work of art..
a senseless poem..
an ungracious dance..
an out of tune song..
that i am trying to fix at 21..
dear self..
will you promise me that you will be ok?
that we will be able to go through this together..