before bedtime..

wake me up when you think im ready to face the world again..

because id rather sleep a million years and forget you than live each day longing for something so near yet so far..

March 15, 2007 - a message from a friend..

"the only reality is what is here right now..

if you live tomorrow, which is only a dream, then all you are going to have is an unrealized dream..

the past is no longer real. it has value because it made you what you are now, but that is all the value it has --

so dont live in the past..

live now!!

when you are eating, eat..

when you are loving, love..

when you are talking with someone, talk..

catch the beauty of the moment for this is the only thing that is real.."

i could not disagree..

everything just sound so right..

March 11, 2007 - its a sunday! (duh?)

hmmm..

its been a week since i left Malaybalay, Bukidnon..

my stay there was a good experience..

i left a piece of my heart there..

the place is really beautiful..

with nice people..

ive made a lot of new friends there..

hmmm..

anyway..

been working the past days..

but i wasnt able to save money..

i was out either, eating or drinking..

but still good..

at least i was able to enjoy the money i worked for..

but yes!

i know..

i have to save..

maybe for a new pair of shoes?

or for my next trip..

a new camera!

my own..

a lot of work ahead..

and i thank god for that..

how life?

still the same..

or not?!

i really dont know the exact answer..

im still commitment-phobic..

i dont know why..

but i want to be with somebody but..

aaah..

crazy!

yes..

guess the people coming in are not for me..

not my type..

attached..

complicated..

when can life be more clearer?

when will i get what ive been wishing for?

or when will i realize that its just waiting and waving infront of me?

when will i say yes?

will it be too late?

i hope not..

February 20, 2007 - from my mobile journal / jotter

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE?

its you that i think of every time i am with myself..

those days we shared were and will always be in my mind and heart wherever i go..

and its us making memories that i look forward to every time i open my eyes in the morning..

you have given me a different smile..

you have given me a different reason to go on..

and whatever that reason is, it's only my heart that knows..

"what did i do to deserve you?" is not a question of doubt but a question that i will forever ask Him and myself..

a thought that i will be thankful for for the rest of my days..

its a thought of unworthiness that i feel every time it crosses my mind..

i cherish and celebrate every day that i spend with you..

it seems words are infinite but its depriving me of expressing myself..

its seems words are never enough..

they ask me what you are to me, i just smile..

it doesn't really matter - friends or more than that..

i just prefer to say "i have him" rather than anything else..

you will always be a part of me and every step that i take..

my victory will be yours as well..

and in my failures, i hope to see you beside me..

i trust you..

i miss you yesterday, today and tomorrow.. 

February 18, 2007 - un-fucking-believable

damn!

whats wrong with me..

i have been drinking since tuesday..

i come home at 3 am and drunk..

i have been saying YES to people..

and now I'm messing up again..

i should take a break..

relearn the lessons of saying NO..

or maybe NEXT TIME..

i miss being sober and productive..

my subconscious is messed up probably..

i feel that i have been giving myself time to be happy but i still haven't reached the level where i feel satisfaction..

i can see it through the things around me..

my room is such a mess..

*sigh*

no more beer for tonight..

and for the rest of the month..

clean my room..

and keep it that way..

say yes when you have to..

and NO..

you'll be ok..

*smiles*

February 12, 2007 - smokey break

i am :

a victim and the culprit..

a prey and the predator..

i make people :

happy and..

ERASE!

at least thats whats my heart is saying..

but..

i have no time to listen to that at the moment..

back in the fridge..

dark and cold..

she asked for it..

haha..

how am i you ask?

smokey break?

no!

i don't smoke..

not a chance..

I'm just taking a break..

ive been working for the past days..

my butt and back hurts..

so I'm taking a "smokey break"..

don't get me wrong..

I'm not complaining..

i need this more than anything right now..

and watching T.V. is not a good option for me right now since everything i see is connected to freaking valentine's day!

HAAAH!

puleeease?!

anyways..

blogging is healthier for me now..

i can be selfish and narcissistic here..

i can talk about myself..

and nobody is even complaining..

whether i rant, make sense or not..

so blogging is the option for today..

this is a breather..

so thank God for blogging..

hahaha..

hmmm..

5 more minutes..

and then ill try to enjoy another hour or two of photo editing..

sucks..

no choice..

the deadlines' tomorrow..

work work work..

and then ill go shopping..

party this weekend..

wooohoo!!

February 4, 2007

2 houses..

3 night-to-Dawn drinking sessions..

almost 100 hours of laughter..

a total of 24 hours sleep..

and 3 hours of hair-raising ghost stories..

I'm finally home..

and in the mood for blogging and photo sharing..

weee..

it had been therapeutic for me..

and now I'm ready to talk nonsense again..

hahaha..

so?!

when was the last time you cried in front of the computer?

how was it?

why?

well..

the first time i cried was like a year ago..

or?

two?!

yeah..

while i was talking to JIM then..

he just left for manila..

i cried because i missed him..

but i got use to the distance eventually..

hahaha..

(sorry J!)

and the last time i cried!?

hahaha..

just..

nah..

it felt Soho good..

such a release..

remember when u were still a baby?

when ur mom wont let you go out to play..

or she has no extra money to buy u barbie or lego or a robot?

and u cry and cry until u fall asleep..

yeah..

thats (somehow) the feeling..

BLISS!

crying while you laugh is good..

but crying when u feel like crying is such a release..

BUT!

I'm 80% better now..

such a fast recovery..

hahaha..

well..

timing!

PERFECT TIMING!

so they call it..

  with miriam and ati janno in a motorela to Xavier Estates..            

but now you see me..

Someday - Nina

Someday..

you’re gonna realize..

One day..

you’ll see this though my eyes..

By then..

I won’t even be there..

I’ll be happy somewhere..

Even if I can't..

I know..

you don’t really see my worth..

You think..

you’re the last guy on earth..

Well I’ve got news for you..

I know I’m not that strong..

But it won’t take long..

Won’t take long..

Someday..

someone’s gonna love me..

The way I wanted you to need me..

Someday..

someone’s gonna take your place..

One day..

I’ll forget about you..

youll see..

i wont even miss you..

Someday..

someday..

Right now..

I know you can tell..

I’m down and I’m not doing well..

But one day these tears..

they will all run dry..

I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye..

January 26, 2007

some things are just not meant to be..

its a cliche..

everybody know that already..

"we have the right love at the wrong time"..

the song goes..

will you agree?

i dont..

what has happend..

was bound to happen..

the right love at the wrong time?

how sure is that statement?

hahaha..

because if its right love..

then its should be the right time too..

you have to make it right..

hahaha..

im ranting again..

im so full..

but..

some things are just not meant to be..

im done with riddles and queeries..

i guess ill just wait for the right morning..

that when i wake up..

i can finally say to myself that im ok and that everything is gonna be just fine..

some good things are made..

some good things just cant last even if we want them to..

im not giving up on anything..

maybe its just not the right time for me..

i guess thats just the way thing are made..

i guess thats just the way its got to be..

veritas liberabit vos..

the truth will set you free..

the truth doesnt have to feel right..

January 17, 2007

yeah..

cguro..

i may be drunk..

tipsy..

naka inum..

but i still know what im doing..

come on..

every one who claims that they are drunk are still conscious..

*sigh*

im tired of giving u riddles..

even though i know that u know the asnwers,,

im sick of feeling trapped..

even if i know that i can decide for myself..

so im asking you now..

should i hold on to some thing "SPECIAL"

or let go..

and find something else..

tell me..

this is the right time..

while im still strong..

while i still have the gust to ask you..

January 12, 2007

im feeling the dilemma again..

the one who loves you?

or the one you love?

its tough..

i dont deserve this..

i feel so pressured..

im throwing it back to you..

aaaaah..

senseless..

January 10, 2007 - 6:49 am

you slapped me again..

this time a million times..

how hard should it be before i surrender..

they are talking..

when will i listen?

when i start to bleed?

when will i stop?

when im out of air?

when will i realize?

when its too late?

im tired..

but im hard and numbed..

Novermber 25, 2006

i still haven't seen the sun today..

but you were there..

always been there..

never failed to brighten my days..

i haven't been writing lately..

been through a lot of things..

things more important..

but i know he'll understand..

so how are you?

miss me?

realizations?

i have tons of them..

in my mind..

i wanna play the drums..

i have seen a lot of people playing around with it..

their hands and feet..

working together..

so hypnotic..

like i just wanna loose myself to it..

i like staring at a moving car..

and the sunset almost blinding..

i like how fast the disappear..

and how i extend my neck to chase them til they vanish..

i hate how good i can become to people..

and yet..

over and over they stab me at the back..

i hate how they steal love away from me..

that i, almost, deprive myself from..

i hate how i loose ways to express myself..

that i myself could not understand myself any longer..

just like now..

but then again..

thank you..

i thank him..

for always being there for me..

like sunshine..

like the clouds..

like the rain..

like the rainbow..

for always reminding me that you are always around..

after the hot day..

and after the storm..

The Lambago Project

The Lambago Project - An Art Concert

at the Amphi Theater, DV Soria, Cagayan de Oro City

on August 23, 2006

Street Chalk Art starts 5:00 pm

Art Concert starts 7:00 pm

see you all there..

ADMISSION IS FREE.

July 09, 2006

you had me first..

but then after a month.. 

you let me go..

i had you second..

but you could not understand me..

you let me go..

i had my first..

but its all a blur..

please don't let me go..

i had you third or fourth..

but now I'm not so sure..

please don't let me know..

its all so confusing..

its all so controlling..

conflicting..

disturbing..

it has been beating my heart..

it has been sipping my brains..

if something has to end..

let it be something I'm not holding on to..

if i was your first..

thank you..

i have moved on..

if you were my second..

thank you..

i will carry on..

if you are my first..

free me and feel me..

so that i can go on..

if you are my first and i am you last..

i love you..

let our love hold on..

June 23, 2006

i wonder..

i wonder how it feels to have an erection with a happy thought..

like flying?

i wonder..

i wonder how you make me smile..

i wonder too..

if i make you smile..

hahaha..

i was having a hard time starting to tell this story..

i had to somehow think of you..

and wonder..

then i was hungry..

i ate the head part of the fish..

a piece of a famous dried fish..

and a spoon-full of mayonnaise with shredded chicken..

well..

now that i am full..

i wonder..

am i even making sense?

or the salt and the oil got to my brain?

June 08, 2006

hi!

how are you?

am i fine?

i don't know..

i just feel like i have been so enslave to something I'm not even sure of for a long time now..

enslaved by my emotions and principles..

trapped..

imprisoned because of a fear..

a fear of rejection..

of sacrificing..

of the uncertainties of life..

how long will i hold on to the cold bars of life..

how long will i keep on pretending that I'm completely alright even if my soul is slapping me..

when will this be over?

and when its over?

what will be the prize?

freedom?

happiness?

fresh air?

*sigh*

May 20, 2006

just a line or two maybe..

i just would just like to remind myself a few things..

i have learn in my Philo class that:

1. there's no such thing as love at first site..

2. we meet the person that may be destined to us in the least way we expect..

3. we may not like him or her at first..

4. if we will give each person that walks in to our lives a chance and get to know him or her, may be thats our chance..

5. love is not as quick as a blink of an eye or a snap of a finger..

6. love is developed and nurtured..

7. every relationship needs to suffer before it is proven strong.

personal : you don't have to be experience lots of break ups, lots of heartbreaks, lots of pain to realize that its enough. sometimes its not necessary to bleed or weep over something that is beyond your control. you don't have to be in the situation to realize that this is bad and that is good. usually, people who are in the relationship never realized that they have become so stupid. you might be thinking "easy for you to say". well, trust me. lets just say i know a lot of people. and i heard their stories.. 

May 17, 2006

*speechless*

i want my heart to speak but its refusing..

i want it to express whats inside it but its tired..

i want it to say that its ok but id be lying..

i am affected now..

i tried not to but i guess its meant to happen..

like yesterday..

so..

I'm embracing it..

it feels good to feel bad sometimes..

it feels good not to talk sometimes..

or at least not to talk too much..

am i really speechless?

i don't know..

am i ok?

i don't know..

will i be ok?

definitely..

will you be?

I'm sure..

when?

i hope soon..

everything will be alright..

so hush now..

stop crying..

for i can no longer hug you tight..

for i can no longer wipe those wet eyes..

for i can no longer say hi..

or even goodnight..

hush now..

for He knows what his doing..

hush now..

because we know its not and never be ending..

hush now..

for its only the beginning..

of another trial..

of another chapter..

of the book you and me and we..

write..

May 15, 2006

my heart is in the mood..

my body is weak..

my mind?

my hands are busy..

my feet, almost frozen..

my butt hurts..

my eyes are itchy..

my nose is fine..

my lips are dry..

my throat too..

i want to be poetic..

but I'm having hard time to rhyme..

i want to be happy..

but i guess this is not just the time..

i want to hug him..

but hes just miles away..

i want to hug him..

but hes just out of my reach..

i want to hug him..

but its still impossible today..

i guess ill just thank them instead..

*sigh*

I'm just speechless..

May 14, 2006

stayed at home today..

took photos of myself..

got nothing else to do..

might as well be productive..

id like to share more but i just don't know where to start..

my day is not really that long but i don't know..

it just feels full..

hahay..

have u had days like this?

i miss you..

i miss us..

May 07, 2006

I'm home alone again..

its my grandfather's death anniversary..

and my family's out for a little reunion in the cemetery..

hay..

i feel better after days of being sick and losing my taste buds..

my appetite is back and i cant wait to eat MORE again..

well..

just have to regain some lost pounds..

just a little..

:P

been listening to some jazz i download from a friends account..

hehehe..

ill take some photos now..

catch on you later..

April 21, 2006

loyalty. patience. love.

understanding. people. you.

me. us. we. 

distance. party. beach.

cold. sun. fused.

art. heart. friends.

selfishness. commitment. passion.

japan. new york. europe.

2005. february. fly.

ten. ants. wings.

letters. numbers. words.

speechless. eye sore. blank.

time. moment. memories.

sweet. bitter. random.

April 19, 2006

i was away..

i was paranoid..

for the first time i felt so far from you..

like the moon and the sun..

like the heavens and the earth..

i was scared that our silence and distance may pull us apart..

but you never failed..

you words never failed to comfort me..

to reassure me that you are and will always be around..

sorry..

i just couldn't help it..

maybe I'm just to scared that i might lose you..

maybe I'm just to scared to look for you again..

maybe..

*sigh*

thank you..

for always proving me wrong in times of uncertainties..

for always being there for me..

i miss you..

April 08, 2006

others deal with it literally..

while some take it for granted..

me?

i let my heart deal with it..

i let my eyes process it..

how about you?

what does it mean to you?

is it only mere words?

or your strength?

is it only words?

or is it like a hug from a friend?

whatever..

however..

i feel u got the point..

-plhong

April 05, 2006

it scares me..

it worries me..

it pains me..

to see you..

to see me..

to think of us..

far from each other..

but deep inside i know i shouldn't be..

deep inside something, someone is giving me enough reason to smile..

and thats you..

we may meet a lot of new people..

we may forget each other in a second or a minute or an hour..

we may lose the communication that we use to have..

we may get busy..

we may be far from each other..

you may worry..

i may be helpless..

there's lots of possibilities..

but all those doubts.. 

i want you to erase..

replace it with the trust that we will never lose..

i don't have to promise..

i wont!

you and i know..

that the trust we have built will bring us far..

it will be for a lifetime..

it will be..

starting from the day we met..

till the day we die..

memories?

u don't have to worry..

we are still young..

we still have lots to share..

together or far from each other..

words will be our infinite bridge..

tears will be our warm blanket..

mornings will be our hope..

your smile..

your voice..

your ways..

will always be fresh in my heart..

and in the hearts of those who truly loves you..

as long as u have faith and trust..

every journey will be smooth..

salig lang..